I have this special friend named Margaret, who is so special to me, and me to her, that we have come to refer to each other as heterosexual life mates.  And since Margaret and I speak our own separate language, let me clarify this term:

Heterosexual Life Mate (n):
A person of the same gender with whom you could spend your life with in a celibate fashion.

Lately, I’ve been losing Margaret to a boy.  Last weekend she brought this homewrecker to meet me.  He will henceforth be referred to as “Andy.”

We spent Saturday afternoon deciding which sweater at Fossil Andy should buy, eating lunch entrees with avocados, drinking coffee at Belmont, and discussing the finer points of boob pockets.

And what did I take away from this afternoon?  Andy’s a decent guy.  JERK!

Let’s see if I can keep these all to one sentence or less…

Doubt
Meryl Streep = good! 

Lord of the Rings: all 3
These movies could have used more Sean Bean. 

Confessions of a Shopaholic
I don’t know what was so wrong about the original storyline that they had to toss it completely. 

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Robert Downey JR = good! 

Martian Child
Cute, but nothing extraordinary. 

Clue
Possibly better than the board game, but probably not. 

Superman II: Richard Donner Cut
Was good, and I don’t love Superman. 

In Bruges
Better than I expected. 

Changeling
Good, yet disturbing. 

The Heartbreak Kid
Makes me want to be a perma-vacationer, but Ben Stiller can’t actually get women this hot, so ultimately unbelievable.

Mall Cop
“Unbeweaveable!” 

The House Bunny
I don’t love Anna Farris, but this role was made for her. 

Tombstone
So good, I don’t think I even know how good it was. 

I Think I Love My Wife
It got weird at the end. 

I Love You, Man
Paul Rudd was so loveably awkward.